So, we're getting on a boat. A big one. 

(I think they prefer to be called ships, but whatever). 

I hate boats. Of all sizes and shapes... ok, I don't really hate them, they haven't done anything to me, ever, I just really, really dislike the idea of being in/on one. 

I have always hated being above water. Jetties, fun rides at amusement parks suspended above water, ships, dinghys, canoes, kayaks... all for me are torture devices that come with an imminent threat of death (most likely either via drowning, being dragged down to the deep blue by a Kraken, or eaten by a crocodile -- sure, the last 2 are less likely, but I don't have the best luck...)

So the idea of getting on a boat (ahem, ship) and sailing around the wide open ocean for 7 full freaking nights was blasphemy. Not happening, no how, no sirree. I mean, who would want to do something that has like, a 99% chance of killing them dead? And voluntarily?? Hells no! 

But then I decided to grow up, stop being a baby and put on my big girl pants, so ... we're going on a boat! 

Oh, and we're going during hurricane season.  Planned that well, didn't I? 

Disney Fantasy -- our home for 7 fun filled nights:

In making this big cruise decision, I based it on stuff I thought was important at the time (your mileage may vary) such as: 

Price 

Is this cruise cheaper than organising travel & flights to similar places & accommodation & transport & tickets to get into places myself? Is it cheaper than staying somewhere else and doing something different? Will it save me eleventy bajillion dollars? 

Destination 

Is it going somewhere cool that I didn't know even existed before... but now that I know it's there, I can't NOT go and see it?  -- Example: the cruise I picked includes a trip to a location featuring Mayan pyramids.  Not ruins. An actual, still standing to this day, pyramid. A pyramid they were going to let sweaty tourists (like moi) climb on it and take pictures of it...oh, and we have to trek through Mexican jungle to get there ... SOLD!

But there were other cruise companies that were going to the same/similar places with similar experiences. So why did I choose this one? Convenience, amenities & services and ethos. 

Disney's private island -- Castaway Cay:

Amenities & Services 

It's my vacation. I want it to be awesome. That means the things I do and the places I stay have to also be awesome. Which means this cruise had to be awesome, and that means things like comfort, convenience, a huge range of activities that I find interesting, simplicity when it comes to doing things, entertainment I find enjoyable, and overall -- just how much magic and fun does it look like I will experience? 

Am I going to get left behind in port? Am I going to get drunken yobbos banging on my door at night? Am I going to have to fight some tourist from Tulsa for the last crab leg at the buffet, or have to sit in the kitchen because the dining room was full -- these are the types of questions I ask myself (read: make assumptions about, then carefully research) when making these decisions. 

Also, amenities like common areas, public seating, restaurants -- do they promote relaxation, conversation, just plain old hanging around doing nothing etc or are they so uber-trendy that they end up being awkward and unusable?

On board characters -- making the magic happen: 

Convenience 

If you don't advertise your costs in a clear & upfront manner, then you're flat out of luck getting my money.  

If you make it so that I have to download a form, print it out, fill it in & then fax it back to you each time I want to ask a question, or heaven forbid, pay for something, then buh-bye, stop wasting my time. 

If you make your website clear to understand, intuitive to use AND you advertise your prices upfront, clearly, and in a way that I can fully break down and compare to other quotes I might have been able to scrounge up from other cruise lines, then ... you may proceed to the comparison chart stage! 

(yes, it's true, I do comparison charts, cost/benefit analyses and pro/con lists. I believe I mentioned I'm an OCD planner, no?)

Pirate deck party -- fun and games, kiddies:

Ethos

Totally subjective.  It is what it is.  Like porn, I know it when I see it (or in this case, feel it).  How does a company make me feel? 

If they have spelling mistakes and poor grammar on their website, I'm probably gonna give it a miss. If you can't invest the time to spell correctly in your advertising material, you'll probably screw something up with my booking, and that's a nightmare I can live without. 

If I've heard stories of people getting huge bills for a bunch of 'turns out it's not included even though our website says it was' at the end of the cruise, then nope, I don't need that hassle either. 

If you've had some recent issues like food poisoning or MRSA or ... you know... you ran aground and dumped your passengers into the middle of the ocean, then yeah no... I think I'll avoid you like the plague. 

For me, it also comes down to decoration - I might be willing to pay steerage prices, but it would be totes awesome if my room decor wasn't a modern homage to a 1950's Holiday Inn hotel, or worse, a playful contemporary take on a vintage prison cell. 

If it comes down to it, I will totally pay more per night and add $$$ to the final bill if it means I get to cruise on a ship that does modern or stylish decor even in their rooms below the water line :)

Another totally objective (kidding!) factor for me is the demographic of my fellow cruisers... would I prefer to be on a boat full of young families with kids or singles looking to party or retirees with a fondness for unfiltered cigarettes from Turkey? 

All of these factors go into a big fat blender and then ... presto, magicko ... a decision is made.

Blender: (dramatised re-enactment for your viewing pleasure)

And usually, my decision making blender spits out a decision that matches the decision I have already made in my heart... But if not... I either go back to my drawing board, or adjust my expectations, or dates, or budget until I have an answer I can live with. 

So for those considering a cruise, or considering how to go about deciding whether a cruise is for you... this is how it worked for me :) 

In my case, I went with Disney Cruise Lines. 

p.s.  Only 19 more sleeps til we depart on our vacation!